I am at the top of a mountain, my shirt sticky with sweat, pack heavy on my back, and I can't stop crying. A bit embarrassed, I move away from the group and drop my pack on the grass, trying to settle myself. But I can't stop the shaky sobs and tears trickle down my cheeks, mingling with the sweat on my shirt. It is the weirdest, yet most freeing feeling.
The view is spectacular and so very vast. Trying to comprehend the enormity of the space is blowing my mind. I kind of thought this would be the case. What I didn't expect though was this sense of being completely connected - not so much with the place, but with myself. Feeling so grounded, even at this ridiculous altitude. The sense of 'rightness' that settled deeper into my bones.
And then I looked down, and realised how far I still had to go. Perhaps it would be more difficult, going down. Perhaps it would be easier. The only way to find out was to put one foot in front of the other, step with care, stay focused on finding my own path and wind my way to the bottom.
Ascending, descending. Over and over, the metronome of each day.
Isn't this just like life? The highs, the lows. Sometimes the planets align and we find our flow. Sometimes it feels like one more bump in the road will completely de-rail us. Trying to maintain our Santosha - our inner contentment - even in the lows, is the challenge.
There is a clarity that comes with meeting yourself unexpectedly on top of a mountain. The realisation that what matters is how we approach each moment. Our sense of connection - with ourselves and with others. Our place on this vast, awe inspiring planet.
I am home now, in front of my laptop, mind foggy with that discombobulated sense of jetlag. But a part of me remains on that mountain top. I placed a rock beside a cross and whispered a promise to remember this feeling always. As I think about it now, I feel a flush of tingles on the back of my neck and I can't help but break into a big smile.
I have missed you, yogis. Looking forward to riding the highs and lows together.
Much love,
Amanda xx
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